Don't Scoff at the Scarf.

There comes a time in everyones life when they need the talk... you know which one we're talking about. It's vitally important. And we as your Fashion Police have decided it's high time you as our readers hear it. Honestly we don't know how you made it to college without hearing it. By this point we're sure you've made many a mistake, and hopefully this post will help you rectify some of them. We are, of course, talking about scarfs and the famous scarf talk. Why? What did you think we were talking about? Boys? Boys wear scarfs too! Also, we are apparently helpless on the boy situation, so taking any advice from us would probably result in a lifetime full of disaster dates. And getting your kicks watching amature but attractive men play volleyball. Apparently we need to stick to the weight room. We get much better results...
Anyway. Back to the scarf talk. We're going to educate you on the finer points of scarf wearing. Here are some of our most cherished tips.
First, not all scarfs are created equal.
Yes. Different weaves are for different seasons. This means, when it is 105 degrees outside, don't wear your flannel scarf. Unless that's all your planning on wearing. Then you shouldn't go outside at all. Also you and the fashion police should probably sit down and have a little chat about what happens when you go around nude. Bad things friends... bad things.... Of course. We're not talking from experience here.... *cough* Glamzilla *cough*. We're just all knowing. ( Of course. Thats the only way anyone gets on the internet these days, right?) We're kinda like God. Only for Cedar City. And fashion. And we don't like make planets and universes in seven days. And for all you Atheists out there, just think of us as the flying spaghetti monster for fashion advice.




Imagine this... except times three. And we've covered our meatballs.


Back to the first rule. The lighter scarfs, are for summer days and that's when you should wear them. Just go by this rule: if your face looks like a tomato, you've  sweated out most of your body weight and you get light headed as you walk up the stairs as the centrum, maybe you should go with a lighter scarf... and save that one for winter.
 The second piece of advice we have for you about scarfs is how to tie your wonderful, appropriate, accessory.
For men, there are three ways you can tie your scarf. The first way is the easiest. This is for all you lazy men. You simply drape it around your shoulders. Then you need to make sure that your scarf doesn't out-proportion your face. You don't want to look like you have shoulder pads. Mostly because football season is almost over... and football players don't actually wear scarfs. That would be a huge disadvantage on the field!
The second is the v throw. This also doesn't require any tying. Also, for you hipsters out there, this provides a quick and easy v-neck... without having to cut your shirt. Which has happened before.
The third way is just looping it once in front of your chest. Too many loops and you look like you've been making a noose and you forgot to take it off before going to class. You are not in the boy scouts anymore. It doesn't matter how many knots you know how to tie, we promise you won't get any merit badges for it.

"Hey George! Why are we parading all these knotted ropes around?"
"Cuz girls love my knot tying skills... this should get us some luck.. Right?"

For women ... you can tie your scarf many different ways. Let's start basic. DON'T under any circumstances, tie your scarf in a bow. No. NO. You are not from the 1700's, and not a man. So don't even think about it. It's not cute, or fashionable. So don't do it. Also, don't wear your scarf as a shirt. It's not a shirt, its a scarf. It's an accessory. It should accentuate your shirt. Or provide color. Not be all you're wearing. Also, don't wrap your scarf around your neck too many times. We at the fashion police don't want to see any homemade turtle necks. Because really, you shouldn't be wearing turtlenecks and scarfs at the same time. In fact we would have to rename the turtle neck to the elephant neck. And we don't want that. And you don't either, so don't do it.

It's like this. But less cute. Actually without the adorable stuffed elephants as well. So in fact, it's nothing like this. It's too gruesome to put a picture up. You can thank us later.

Our final rule is fairly simple. There are different cuts of scarf. There are square scarfs which go better in a v shape around your neck. There are straight scarfs which look better draped or knotted. And there are triangle scarfs which also are good for a v shape, or you can wear it backwards and be little red riding hood. But we wouldn't really reccomend this. We're just saying you could if you wanted to, and had nothing else to do.
So here are our amazing bits of advice from your all powerful, all knowing, all spaghetti sauce Fashion Police. Treat them with care. Read them daily. Always remember to respect the scarf. And us of course. We accept respect in many forms. LIke money. And dates.
Until next time... ramen. (That's how us spaghetti monsters say amen.)

"Too bad... when I was ready to tie the knot, George wasn't. Now all that's left is a pile of meaningless knots."- Chief Glamzilla
"Scarfs are a good way to hide hickeys."- Lt. Grunge
"Lt. Grunge.... how do you know that?! Do we need to have another important talk? No not the scarf talk. The other talk...?"- Srgt. McDiscopants

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-
Chief Glamzilla
Lt. Grunge
Srgt. McDiscopants