I Like Big Belts and I Cannot Lie!

Batman has his for utilities...
It keeps your sword handy...
You can spank children with them.... or your significant other...
You can make yourself have a waist...
Pilgrims wore them on their hats... so their brims wouldn't fall down...
Would you like to phone a friend? Ask the audience? Quick you only have thirty seconds!
3...2...1... is that your final answer?
What is belts? CORRECT!
Yes, we're very aware that that was the worst combination of all of the game shows we could possibly think of. But our point is belts.
Belts. They've been around forever. However in this new modern age that we're all living in, belts have function as well as fashion. Which is why we're writng a post about it. Obviously.
One of the best fashion with belts right now is the waist belt. However many people seem to be misusing this fashion. The point of this belt is to emphasize your waist. Not give you one. Or emphasize your fat. So if you're struggling to breath, it's advisable to go up a notch. Unless you're trying to have brain damage from lack of oxygen. Also we should mention that corsets are no longer in style. So stop trying to make your belt into one.

He takes my breath away every time I see him.... the jerk! like I can breathe in this thing!!!

Next we just need to explain about waists because some of you have apparently misplaced yours. FAIL. Waists are where you bend, when your bending sideways. Surprise! It's not directly under your boobs! WEIRD!!! You are not wearing a boob belt! Boob belts will never EVER be in style unless our boobs mutate into something that just can't be contained. Which they already kinda have... but that's what a BRA is for. NO BOOB BELTS. If you feel like you need the added support of a boob belt, maybe you should invest in some better bras. Or perhaps wear two... or three at a time.

Now it wouldn't be an original fashion police post if we didn't talk about both boobs.... and butts! WHOO! We hate butt belts. Belts worn on your hips are made to hold your pants up. There is absolutely no point if you have a belt on your butt. Unless your cheeks are sagging. In that case, you should see your local gym at the most convient time possible. And we know there's one here... we've been there a couple times... just checking out the place... you know. Looking at the equipment and such. Were there extremely attractive, shirtless men with rippling muscles upon these machines at the time? You'll find out in our upcoming book!

Coming to a store near you!

If you wear a belt around your butt, it's only going to emphaize your rear end. Which isn't a good thing. If you're going to wear a belt actually on your pants, make sure it's on these little inventions called the belt loops. Why are they called that? Because your belt loops through them. AMAZING. Also, your belt doesn't have to be as tight as it can possibly go. It just needs to keep your pants up. You don't want those muffins looking too well done. Also, if you have pants that are WAY too big, you need to wear a belt! Think of all the people in Africa who don't have belts. Well some of them don't have pants either... but that's not the point! Too many tragedies have occured from lack of belts.


This could have been avoided if they had just worn a belt! If only!!!

"Hey look at that! I found my waist!"- Chief Glamzilla
"When you go stargazing don't wear a belt... it will be harder to find the moon." -Lt. Grunge
"The only time it's appropriate to wear a boob belt is if you're me. Then it's always appropriate." -Srgt. McDiscopants



-Don't let us down! Keep your PANTS on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-

Lt. Grunge
Srgt. McDiscopants
Chief Glamzilla