Orange... orange... nothing rhymes with orange...

Spring has sprung. The grass has risen. The snow melted... then it snowed again. Then it melted again. Then it snowed again... and then it rained that one day for awhile but now the sun is out! Hooray! and with this glorious sun all of the people around campus have been bringing out their shorts and t shirts.  As we were walking around campus we decided we might need to take our sunglasses out of hibernation, simply because we were blinded by the sun reflecting off the white skin of everyone. We're surprised some of you don't glow in the dark ( actually we're pretty sure Srgt. McDiscopants does.) We see that some of you have taken the matter into your own hands and run straight for the tanning booths. And some of you, sadly, look like you ran past the tanning booths and into Loompaland... and you've come back looking something like this:

Oh no! Theres millions of them! We're being infested! It must be spring...

First off we appreciate that you're not damaging yourself by tanning in tanning beds, or tanning outside. Now, when you die of cancer it won't be skin cancer from all the UV rays you've soaked up from the sun, it will be from all the toxins you've inhaled whilst using the spray on tan booth.  However... it does not look natural. You may be darker, but you appear to look like a rather crisped carrot. Which last time we checked was not attractive to anyone, rabbits or otherwise.

Girl, you lookin' so fine!

Now, we must say that the spray on tan, when used in moderation is okay! There are also lotions that you can use that gradually make your skin darker, and you don't become a bright orange. But when we go into our class for the day and we think our vision has turned sepia tone when we look at you, you know that you've been frequenting the Palm Beach Tan too often. Also, if you're going to use the lotion, please make sure you're not using it on only one part of your body. If you have super dark forearms and the rest of your body happens to be a stark white, we can only assume that you're using the lotion wrong or have been working on the farm a little too much. But generally your farmers tan isn't supposed to be orange... so we'll go with the first option. It's also not attractive to have orange hand prints all the way down the backs of your legs because you forgot about them. It makes you look like you've been slapped in the calves by leprechaun sized people with cheeto dust on their hands...

mmm... cheetos sound good.


Anyways! We understand that you want darker skin. But everybodies whiter this time of year, so you're not standing out. The only time you are standing out is when you're orange in a sea of white. So patience young padwan. Good things come to those who wait... or who are black.
"You've been tangoed!" Lt. Grunge
"As the whitest member of the Fashion Police, I understand your pain. However at least you'll become darker at some point in the summer... I just stay exactly the same shade. Perhaps I'm part albino..."- Srgt. McDiscopants
"You never hear anyone singing about orange women... it's just 'black white yellow or brown chicks'" -Chief Glamzilla

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not!-

Lt. Grunge
Srgt. McDiscopants
Chief Glamzilla