Thou Shalt Not Worship Woven Images

There are certain articles of clothing that we all have that tend to become our favorites. In face they become almost sacred to us... and in turn become quite holy. But how holy is too holey? There comes a point in time when you just have to get rid of that holey peice of clothing... mainly when it's just strings holding together the resemblance of a shirt. We're hear to teach you the Ten Commandments of when to throw your "holy" clothes away. So start saying your Hail Marys and repent for your fashion sins, because we're here to enlighten you.

I. Thou shalt not worship thy clothes

We as your T-Bird Fashion Police love clothes. They are very nice. They keep us covered. And we can be stylish. However. There is a huge difference between loving our clothes and refusing to stop wearing that "in style" shirt your great Aunt Martha gave to you on your seventh birthday.

See? It still fits!!!!

II. Thou shalt not wear more than six patches on thy pants.
This is kinda self explanatory. But if you have more patches than denim, it's probably time to buy a new pair. Although it probably makes them look pretty legit. If so, you should keep them around to put on and admire yourself in the mirror when nobody else is home.

If Dr. Frankenstien had been a tailor...

III. Thou shalt not purposely create holes in good clothing.
We know that holes are "in style" right now. They're totally hobo chic! But there's a difference in buying messed up clothes and attempting to create them. You know you can't create wear and tear like the department stores can... that would be too ironic! So if you happen to go buy a pair of good jeans or a nice sweat shirt, we beg you please please please back away from the clothes and put the scissors down.

Put them down Judy! It's not worth it! It's fashion suicide!

IV.Thou shalt not wear holey shoes.
Holey Shoes won't allow you to walk on water. Or anywhere else for that matter. When we see men and women with their souls/soles beared to the world we don't feel any sense of devine. In fact it makes us want to tackle them and take their shoes to the hell fire so they can be burned. When you find yourself with large holes, or flapping soles make your way to the nearest DI and pick yourself out a pair of "new" tennies. Because they're (sadly) in better shape than yours.

See? His shoes aren't holey. Wait. He's not wearing any! I think we figured it out after all these years! Quick! To the P.E. Building!

V. Thou shalt not use duct tape on cloth... or anything you wear.
Duct tape clothes are the coolest thing since the Ice Age. Duct taped clothes however... LAME. They probably should be burned. And we know what you're thinking about our last commandment. Don't even dare duct tape those holey shoes. It's an abomination! Just get yourself to the DI already!

Hallelujah! Bask in the Duct-Prom glory!

VI.Thou shalt NEVER wear holey tights.
This, is simply tacky and looks awful. The only reason anyone should ever wear holy tights is if you happen to be a zombie. Because then it's practically a job requirement that your tights are ripped. The rest of you have no excuse. No tights is better than runs!

Represent!

VII. Thou shalt not have holes in the crotch of thy pants.
This is unacceptable. Just because your legs are crossed does not mean the hole disappears. Can you walk with your legs crossed? No? Surprising! And guess what that means? That hole can still be seen. And it's gross.

VIII. Thou shalt not expose thy underclothing because of thy holey overclothing

If you would like us to see your underwear then here's a suggestion: Take out the middle man and simply wear only your underwear! Wait. You don't like us seeing that? Well neither do we. So we'd really appreciate it if you didn't happen to have your pink frilly boy shorts showing in the hole of your butt pocket. Either cover it up or throw them our and get a new pair! Same goes for your bra. Nobody likes it. Well. Maybe men do. But we don't and that's what matters. There's a reason there's no men on our Fashion Police Squad.

On second thought... we are accepting applications...

IX. Thou shalt accept responsibility for what those holes show unto the world.

Continuing from above, don't get offended if someone happens to mention those pink frilly underwear boy shorts.  We never want to hear a converstaion like this:

Boy: "I see London I see France...Is your underwear always that lacy?"

Girl: "*Gasp!* You pig! I can't believe you're looking at something that's in plain sight and commenting on it!!!"

No. Never. Sorry sister-friend. This time the reason that man's checking out your badonkadonk is all your fault.

  

Well I never! The nerve!

X. Thou shalt admit defeat.

 Clothes wear out. It happens. Maybe in your state of mourning, you could go buy new clothes. However, when your clothes time has come you need to give them up. We don't want to see any more of this pathetic clinging and carrying on with your beloved clothing. They are gone. Or should be.

"Thou Shalt Worship the Fashion Police. "- Chief Glamzilla

"The five steps of the grieving process apply to clothes as well. "- Lt. Grunge

"I'm also accepting applications for a new boyfriend... both positions can be filled by the same man."-Srgt. McDiscopants

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-

Chief Glamzilla

Lt. Grunge

Srgt. McDiscopants