Bling Bling... Your Accesories are Calling Us.

Humans are like birds. We peck at food and are attracted to shiny objects. However some of us are more attracted to shiny objects than others, and wear their whole collection of shiny objects around their necks and heads and feet and ankles and arms. Why do you do this? Is it a portable nest? Do you have to have the maxiumum shininess? Is to make up for the fact you don't have plumage? Are you trying to blind everyone in a  five mile radius? Perhaps it's a personal vendetta against people who can see. Or maybe you think that a man much like yourself will follow you around because of how sparkly you are?

Number One Turn On: Shininess

We all like to accesorize. But how much is a good amount, and how much is just plain mean to the rest of man kind? Don't get your feathers in a ruff, we're here to tell you! First off bracelets. If you sound like a walking jingle bell you might want to tone it down. Also, braclets draw attention to your stomach because that is where your hands lay, so the eye is drawn there. If you don't want to call attention to your mid section it's best to go without bracelets. Next is necklaces. If you're under the age of 60 two is more than enough. After 60 it's hard to remember just how many neckalces you've put on in the day, so we're forgiving. But under 60 you can count (we hope) and you can tell how much strain your muscles are getting by the amount of metal you're throwing on your neck.

You're halfway to here...

Next up is rings. You don't need one on every finger. We promise that it doesn't make your fingers look any cuter. It just makes you look indecisive. You should probably stick with two on each hand... it's more than enough.
Now men. We know you like to accesorize too. But necklaces? The only time this looks appropriate is when you're on the beach, with a golden body that's well chisled. Let us pause for effect. And daydreaming...

Yes.

"The only reason to wear a lot of jewelry, is the off chance that you find yourself in the Labryinth and you need to pay Hoggle to get you through it."- Lt. Grunge
"I like my men shiny... wait... just in shiny armor" -Chief Glamzilla
"With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes... she'll look like Lady Gaga wherever she goes." -Srgt. McDiscopants

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-

Lt. Grunge
Chief Glamzilla
Srgt. McDiscopants