Liar Liar Thongs on Fire...

As the spring weather approaches, some of the animals outside begin to shed their winter coats. You may have started doing this as well! Your puffy winter coat may now reside in the back of your closet, as well as your boots, and long johns. Congrats! It's the annual awakening of the thongs out of hibernation. We have seen them peaking out of their little... ahem "caves" all over campus. Personally we're begging for five more weeks of winter... however that's probably not going to happen.

There are two purposes of wearing thongs. One is for your underwear lines to not be seen. The second is for your underwear to be seen. There are no other options. So if you choose to wear a thong in a cute outfit where you don't want your underwear lines to show then good for you! If you're choosing to wear a thong just to show off the fact that yes, in fact you indeed have a thong, then... this post is for you.

Yay! You have a thong!!!!

Thongs. What made someone go, "I think I want to cover myself, but also show that I have a nice rear end. I'd also enjoy the senstaion of constant wedgie. Yeah... That's for me! Why hasn't anyone made this?!"
Well honey buns let us fill you in. Thongs have been around long before you knew what they were, or realized you enjoyed a piece of floss between your cheeks. Nope, not those cheeks... the other ones.  You might know thongs by their step father the loin cloth. Loin cloths you say? Yes. Loin cloths. Now when you think of Tarzan just picture him with a thong and you're almost there! Loin cloths were the predecessors of a thong. Ad yes, that means that to begin with mostly men wore them. Why did they need these thongs though? Why indeed!  The thong provided a much needed relief of the distraction that the males genetailia held over him and his companions.

What... what is that? It's amazing!!!

Even now, in the world mostly  men wear thongs. Women are a minority in the thong wearers. Most of these men who wear thongs are concentrated in indiginous tribes in South Africa. Interesting. You're sporting a primitives man's fashion. How does that make you feel? Fantastic? It should! Maybe you're slightly more aware of that string stuck between the crevice of your butt cheeks. Also, you should be aware that sumo wrestlers also sport this look. Now how do you feel? Though... to be fair their thongs have as much cloths as our underwear if not our whole outfit.
Now onto thongs and low rider pants. They were made for each other. They are the peanut butter and jelly of the fashion world. You can't have one without the other! And it's also very low cost... not the most expensive thing on the menu also just like pb&j. When you decide to wear a thong with your low rise pants, just ask yourself, are you wearing them so everyone can see your behind? Because it makes your butt look bigger. We all get an unobtrused view of your buttocks. And no offense, but we really don't want to see it. Or maybe you're wearing the combination so you can air out your behind? That's rather gross... and we don't want to think about it. Or is it because you want to immortalize that fateful day in Fourth Grade when the school bully gave you an atomic wedgie by the swings?

Forever... *Sigh* This is what love is...

Whatever your reasoning, we don't want to see it.

"Sumo wrestlers brought thongs envogue" - Lt. Grunge
"Girl I don't wanna see that thong th thong thong thong! Ps... if you don't know song I'm singing you're LAME." - Srgt. McDiscopants
"If the reason you're wearing a thong is to air out your butt please don't sit in front of me!" - Chief Glamzilla
-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you need to take them off or not. -

Lt. Grunge
Srgt. McDisocpants
Chief Glamzilla