Dressing for Love... *Eyebrow Raise*

Valentines Day... a time to celebrate budding romances, future lovers and the death and decapitation of the man himself... St. Valentine! Ah! That makes us want some chocolate. While we personally think the tradition is rather silly  it's nice to give recognition to a man who was stoned and beaten and finally lost his head for trying to get men to commit.

St. Valentine... Where are you now?!

So it's no wonder why this is the most romantic holiday of the year. I mean really look contenders... Columbus Day? What did he do for us? The best present he  brought was syphillis. Hooray syphillis! As you all can probably tell we're rather cynical about the holiday... either that or none of us were able to bag us a Valentine. However we do recognize the fact that some of you choose to celebrate this holiday and we would like to educate you on the proper attire for your valentines date.

First off, wear something red. Not only because it's Valentines Day and you're celebrating all that carnage... we mean... love? All the hearts? Ahem. Anyways but because scientifically red is attactive to both men and women. For women it symbolizes power in a man. We see the red and think the man is successful. For men, a woman in red dates back to evolutionary times where there was a connection between the color and being fertile. So men see a woman in red and want to procreate. But this is all subconsiously of course... we know men never look at a woman and think those types of things. It's just weird. No man does that.

I look at you and think... 'Our babies would have a deverse genetic background.'

Next dress appropirately. This totally depends on where you're going. If he's taking you out to a nice dinner that doesn't mean you show up in a tandtop and you booty shorts. It also doesn't mean that you need to show up in the skankiest dress you have. And if he's taking you to go bowling, then you don't need a ball gown. Unless you're trying to prove he's cheap.

This is all I get? One pitcher of fruit punch? I deserve tater tots...

The last thing to remember when dressing for your valentines date is for the men. If you're planning on kissing your valentine's date make sure that your face is properly groomed. We promise that if you give her road rash on this special day your fate will be worse than the patron saint of christian marriage. You will be stoned. It might not be with actual stones... maybe with heels. Or chocolates. Or death glares. But we promise it will hurt.

So this Valentines, when you're practicing the most romantic holiday of the year, remember these tips. You don't want to lose your head!

"St.Valentine would be proud with what we've done with his name. My chocolate told me so."-Lt. Grunge

"My red lipstick makes my lips look extra fertile!"- Chief Glamzilla

"Personally I love this holiday. What's not to love about a man being beaten, stoned and decapitated? Romantic... really gets me going... probably my number one turn on."- Srgt. McDiscopants

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on! We'll decide if you should take them off or not.-

Lt. Grunge

Chief Glamzilla

Srgt. McDiscopants