Three Reasons That Proved Our Parents Didn't Want Us.

Ah... the ninties. What a glorious decade for clothing. Too bad most of us were too young to make our own decisions so our parents forced their fashion upon us. Now we're going on a horrific trip down repressed memory lane. So buckle up buttercup, we're going to look at some hard truths. And you'd better handle them or you'll be trapped forever in....

The Twighlight Zone...

Do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, do do do do, do do do do....



1. Disney Clothing

Your family albums seem to be a timeline of Disney movies. Little Mermaid came out about the same time as your trip to the Grand Canyon... which would explain why every day of the two week vacation you're wearing a different Ariel and Sebatsian t-shirt. Lion King was apparently out when you visited Great Aunt Bertha for the summer and you wore your Belle dress all over Disneyland after Beauty and the Beast came out... and men we know you dressed like the Beast. In fact some of you still do... but back to the topic at hand. After flipping through our pictures we've deduced that all parents must have been in cohorts with the Disney company because every single one of us was a walking billboard. It's like people paid Disney to advertise for them. Or maybe they just got some perks out of it... like the three hours of peace while their little darlings were mesmerized by the television screen. We're not quite sure... but we think that there were some deals with the devil involved. We mean really? How entertaining is Mickey's Jack in the Beanstalk three times over?  Not very when you're 21 but when we were three that was simply magical... there were probably drugs involved. Or just sugar induced highs.

"I want to be a part of your world... that sea witch sure is attractive."

2. The Unfortunate Pant Situation...

Remember those sweatpants with the matching sweater on top? You don't?! Probably because you repressed that memory. Let us remind you... They were the pants that today would probably be considered leggings. Put for some reason your parents thought it would be okay to send you out the door half dressed.  Way to go parents!!! The best part is when you actually tried to go out of the house looking like that in highschool, they got mad at you and tried to make you change. What do you expect? Look at what you were dressing us in all these years... some of it had to rub off.

And when you asked for jeans, your mother gave you a child version of her pair. Which was great and all except for the fact you had a nine inch zipper that went from your knees to your navel. Which was basically half of you, because remember? You're a kid.

Try fitting a nine inch zipper on that thing...

3. Le Tied Sweataur...

When you were young and complaining about the heat, what would your mom do with your sweater after you took it off? Did she magically have a closet full of hangers riding around in her pants (There was probably enough room in there...) ? No... She had something even better. And it was called your waist. She'd tie your sweater there and wha la... a sweater and a belt! How convenient! It also looked like a little person is hugging you... with their face smooshed into your behind. Which is definately the look you were going for when you were seven and half with all the ladies.

Why won't Julie love me?! I have this sweater and everything!

"The nineties called... and we're not calling them back"- Lt. Grunge
"Nine inch zippers. No wonder there were less teenage pregnancies..." -Chief Glamzilla
"Worst part about those sweat pants? You're still picking out that wedgie to this day..." -Srgt. McDiscopants.

-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on- we'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-

Lt. Grunge
Chief Glamzilla
Srgt. McDiscopants