Why you so "obesed" with me?

Yes. That word up there says obese, and not obsessed. And no this is not a blog about overweight people. Tonight we are going to educate you in wearing clothing that is appropriate for your size.
First off. Wearing clothing that is three sizes too big.
Some people seem to believe that wearing clothing that is three sizes too big will make you look petite and delicate. However, it sadly just makes you look like you have no shape and you are a large cardboard box underneath that shirt. Nobody wants to have a body of a cardboard box...


Robots are the exception....

 The trick is to find fabrics that aren't clingy but have some shape. You want to be able to show off that you actually have a body underneath that shirt... you just don't want everybody and their dog to be able to see every single part of your body. Clothes are about illusion. It's like a magic trick that you wear. They can give you waists when you don't have one, hips where you need em and lessen your booty where you have it.

Bada Bing Bada..... Boobs.

Now: Men. We know you get a ton of crap about baggy pants and oversized shirts. But here's why. When your pants are down to your ankles, and your butt pockets are where the backs of your knees are, there's no point in wearing an oversized shirt. You can't cover up the fact that your butt is on the shelf of your pants. It's like a mantle... for your butt.

"This is my most prized booty... I caught it in Africa!"

Next, too tight of clothes. Lets just say if we can see the hamburger you just ate through your clothes they're probably too tight. Your stomach should not be a digital photo frame of the food you just ate. There's nothing wrong with wearing good fitting clothes but when your fat is trying to escape and make a run for it, you should probably tone it down... actually we mean loosen it up. Dress for the body you have, not the body you want!

"Dress to impress. Your fat rolls do not impress me. Although, if you can hide food in them I am rather impressed..." -Lt. Grunge
"It's so cold here that you men have mistaken if for the Arctic... and have compensated by trying to become penguins..."- Srgt. McDiscopants
"Have you heard of the crazy new invention called a belt?! It's a gravity defying product that holds your pants up"- Chief Glamzilla
-Don't let us down! Keep your clothes on. We'll decide if you need to take them off or not.-